So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize