If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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