Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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