I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
