haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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