I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
