it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
