His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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