I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
