Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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