I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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