i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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