my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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