She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
