i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
