I can text with my tongue
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
