i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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