I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
