Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
