i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
