I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize