She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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