The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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