they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
