can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
