she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
