So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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