We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
