If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize