It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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