Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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