id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
