I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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