I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just pee around me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Randomize
