My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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