We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
