I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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