GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
