It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
