lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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