Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I want is dick and wine.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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