I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
