just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
