My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I did not marry a roomba.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
