yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
