I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've blown a few things in my day
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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