Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize