Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
