I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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