I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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