woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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