Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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