how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How's work?
Spinning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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