Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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