Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
