Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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