We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
