She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
