There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
