And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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