like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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