she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
