I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
