Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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