Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am one with the molecules
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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