One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i drank out of a bidet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
