Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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