you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
