we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
