I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
