I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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