Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
