Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
