I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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