Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
