I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
