Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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