...so i touched it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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