my sisters under your porch take her home
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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