That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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