I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
