My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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