It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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