Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
