Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
