If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
