You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
