Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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