The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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