Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
