I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
