I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
