I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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