Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
