i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Farmville is her only friend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
