YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
