This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
