I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize