I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
