I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
