I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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