there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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