This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
