you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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