Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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