Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
