So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Randomize
