can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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