She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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