The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
