If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize