So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
